To Mend A Broken Heart
by Fires Of Raze
Summary: Songfic: Ennis is suffering from depression and guilt after the death of Jack and seems ready to just give up but realizes there's something he needs to do before he can ever find his peace and mend his broken heart. Please R&R!


_-- Disclaimer: I don't own Brokeback Mountain, it's characters or the song. The movie is credited to the author of the book and the song is credited to Babyface. --_

_-- Summary: Ennis is suffering from depression and guilt after the death of Jack and seems ready to just give up but realizes there's something he needs to do before he can ever find his peace and mend his broken heart. Thanks for reading and please review to tell me what you think! --_

**To Mend A Broken Heart**

The sun was slowly setting outside as Ennis Del Mar stood by the large window that overlooked the lake below. It was the lake where he and Jack had set up their tent so many many years ago and where he'd followed Jack's dream to build a ranch up on the mountain that now stood watch over the site which held so many memories. These memories often created somewhat of a slide show in his mind, especially at times like this when the mountain was peaceful and the house seeming almost too quiet.

That's how it'd always been though since no one else lived there... Jack had never gotten to see his dream come true before his death... God... His death... Images flashed through Ennis' mind and tears built in his eyes from the memory of the last time he'd seen the one he loved so much...

_I pretended I'm glad you went away  
These four walls closing more everyday  
And I'm dying inside  
And nobody knows it but me  
_

He'd had to act like he hadn't cared much after finding out Jack had been murdered... Murdered so horribly and brutally but still no one seemed to care at all, so neither could he. Instead he'd simply packed up what little he had, including the shirts he'd found in Jack's closet... Jack's and his own from when they'd fought... The two intertwined in each other and the blood stained still to the darkest red he'd ever seen, and moved up to Brokeback Mountain without a word except for telling Alma not to drop the girls at his mobile home cause he wasn't living there anymore. There he'd built the ranch Jack had always wanted, a place of peace and serenity where no one could see the intense pain and sadness he struggled through everyday...

_Like a clown I put on a show  
The pain is real even if nobody knows  
Now I'm cryin' inside  
And nobody knows it but me_

Why didn't I say  
The things I needed to say  
How could I let my angel get away  
Now my world is just a-tumblin' down  
I can say it so clearly  
But you're nowhere around  


"Why'd I have ta go an' turn ya down rodeo...? Why'd ya have ta die...?"

He whispered quietly to the scenery outside, his reflection showing a single tear that glittered down his face like a diamond. He hated himself for never being able to truly tell Jack how much he loved him, but he supposed it took the others death for him to really realize just how much Jack had become important to him over the years. Every night now, before going to bed, he whispered into the air the three words Jack had always wanted to hear, praying they would reach him wherever he was now. Then he'd lay in his bed which now seemed too cold and empty without someone else laying beside him. Even when daybreak finally began to peer through the window, Ennis was usally still lieing awake on the bed, still in the same position as he'd gotten in and stared dazedly at the ceiling, tears falling from his eyes as he whispered Jack's name over and over again, never ready to face another empty day...

_The nights are lonely  
The days are so sad  
And I just keep thinkin' about  
The love that we had  
And I'm missin' you  
And nobody knows it but me_

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two  
Now I'm nobody without someone like you  
I'm tremblin' inside, and nobody knows it but me

_  
I lie awake, its a quarter past three  
I'm screamin' at night  
As if I thought you'd hear me  
Yeah my heart is callin' you  
And nobody knows it but me_

  
Sometimes during the night or even once during the day, he'd fallen so far into his sadness that he'd ended up screaming Jack's name into the cold mountain air, knowing no one around could hear and not caring even if they could. He missed him so much now that he was gone, more even because the guilt of turning him down before he died weighed on him like a ton of bricks on his shoulders as well as his heart. On the rare occasion that he went down to town, people he knew were constantly stopping him to ask what was wrong but he never had anything to tell them... What could he say after all? He was beginning to think it was really possible for one to die from a horribly broken heart...

_How blue can I get  
You could ask my heart  
But like a jigsaw puzzle its been torn all apart  
A million words couldn't say just how I feel  
A million years from now you know I'll be lovin' you still_

_The nights are lonely  
The days are so sad  
And I just keep thinkin' about  
The love that we had  
And I'm missin' you  
And nobody knows it but me_

_  
_When he finally came out of his thoughts, he glanced at the clock and realized he'd been standing by the window for almost three hours straight without even noticing. He turned to his bed slowly and stared at it sadly, again noting how empty it was even when his own body spread out over it. There was no one to hold anymore... No one to caress in the night and awaken with soft kisses in the morning... Nothing. That had all disappeared when Jack had died, taking his love and his happiness as well.

He'd thought awhile ago about maybe taking a trip down to Texas again, the place where Jack had grown up and as well as where he'd been killed. He wasn't sure what he wanted to find there... Evidence of the murder maybe? He knew that wouldn't do anything though... It had been a hate crime against a gay man... There were no laws against that there. His heart flinched as he again remembered what had happened and he realized suddenly why he wanted to go down... He needed his peace back... He needed his heart resolved with the fact that Jack was really dead but was never truly gone... No... He'd live on forever, even if only in Ennis' heart...

_Tomorrow mornin' I'm hittin' the dusty road  
Gonna find you wherever, ever you might go  
I'm gonna unload my heart  
And hope you come back to me  
Said when the nights are lonely..._

The nights are lonely  
The days are so sad  
And I just keep thinkin' about  
The love that we had  
And I'm missin' you  
And nobody knows it but me

"I'm gonna come find ya rodeo... I'ma go down ta tha' horrible town again and resolve all this 'fore it gets too bad for me ta take... If i's not already..."

He whispered as he lay down in his bed, still fully clothed but not caring, thinking only of Jack's image that seemed to swim before him, looking as real as the day he'd last saw him. Tomorrow he'd drive back down to Texas to settle his heart once and for all so he could go on living his loved one's dream with him in his heart... Always now and forever on till infinity.

_The nights are lonely  
The days are so sad  
And I just keep thinkin' about  
The love that we had  
And I'm missin' you  
And nobody knows it but me_

"I love you rodeo..."


End file.
